Show Notes: Episode 36
TOXIC MOTIVATION (W3W) with Vocalist Brynnan Brooks
This week was hard. It was a wake-up call for me. I was told that several people been asking around why I hated my job. I was dumbfounded. Hate my job? I love my job. I so appreciate the opportunities I get to try to inspire and teach others. In fact, it aligns directly with my purpose to help others discover and pursue THEIR purpose. However, I’ve probably been too transparent about my ambitions. I have goals and plans to multiply my influence and inspiring on a larger platform.
So in a show that is by definition about failure, I see that this is a lesson I’ve learned the hard way before. And by the way, if you are one of those folks who had one of those conversations, can you send me an email or give me a call? I’d love to chat and deconstruct where I went wrong. Because you can’t fix problems you don’t understand.
This show is my latest attempt at podcasting, but it’s not my first. That would be Better Every Week, a show my daughter Brynnan and I launched during her freshman year of college. I loved it, but it was hard for us to keep to a schedule. We ended up recording and producing just four episodes. I thought it would be fun to go back and perhaps re-release or repurpose some of the content here on my show now. And wouldn’t you know it: the first episode, we talked about how off-putting my drive and ambition has been even to my own family.
Toxic Positivity isn’t bad by itself. And in the eyes of the person WITH it, the goal is to inspire, motivate, and model positive behaviors and attitudes. But sometimes, and in my case apparently many times, the message gets filled with noise. What is intended is not what is received. And you end up sometimes doing more harm than good.
That said, I hope you’ll enjoy this look back to a show my daughter Brynnan and I recorded during the first semester of her freshman year of college when she was at the University of Oklahoma.
And I am also happy to say that she and her friends are working on a new show of their own, hopefully launching soon. So while Better Every Week was a well-intentioned but fairly short-lived effort, we don’t view it as a failure. It was simply a step on the path toward success.
I hope you’ll enjoy episode 36: TOXIC MOTIVATION with Brynnan Brooks
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“Episode Summary
Exploring Positive Stress and Distress for Personal Growth
SUMMARY
Toby Brooks, speaker, author, and professor, was surprised to hear that several people had been asking around why he “hated his job.” He appreciates the opportunities to inspire and teach others and aligns directly with his purpose, but he has also been too transparent about his ambitions. He reflects on this moment, understanding that not everyone in your circle is in your corner, and that you have to be careful not to come across as disrespecting your current place in life. He encourages people to be brave and put themselves in the arena, but also to be mindful of the criticism in the stands.
Kobe Bryant is an example of someone who dedicated themselves to reaching their goals. Despite this example, many people are quick to judge and criticize those with ambitions. The speaker has experienced this in their own life, as instead of being encouraged for their dreams, they have been accused of hating their job and have had their boss told of these accusations. The speaker is disappointed that their message of wanting to become the best version of themselves was misinterpreted, and that instead of being supported, they have been met with criticism. They are striving to be healthy, productive, and impactful and hope that their actions, rather than their words, will communicate that.
This episode is a conversation between Brynnan, a freshman in college and her father, a college professor. The episode is about toxic positivity, and how the drive and ambition of a person can be off-putting to those around them. The father and daughter discuss how it can be hard to keep to a schedule when trying to work on something together, and how it is important to be aware of how one’s message is being received. They also talk about how the podcast is an attempt at success, and how it is not a failure. The father also mentions his daughter is working on a new show of her own. This podcast is the first episode of Better Every Week, and is an introduction to the show.
Brynnan and her dad had been discussing growth and how to approach it from both of their perspectives. Brynnan’s dad had created a lengthy to-do list in the midst of the lockdown, but Brynnan commented that his dad’s motivation was almost toxic. Her dad was initially confused, but Brynnan clarified that she meant that while it was good to be motivated, it could get in the way of mental health and taking time for yourself. They discussed how they should approach today’s topic of toxic motivation and agreed to take turns in looking at it from both of their perspectives and finding ways to disagree without losing their connection.
TIMESTAMPS
0:00:00 Conversation on Toxic Motivation and Finding Balance in Ambition
0:03:48 Reflection on Kobe Bryant’s Mamba Mentality and the Misinterpretation of Personal Goals
0:05:54 Episode 36: Toxic Motivation – A Look Back at Better Every Week with Brynnan and Dad
0:08:01 Conversation on Toxic Motivation: A Discussion Between a Professor and Student
0:09:06 Conversation on Accomplishment Motivation and Trauma Responses
0:10:47 Conversation on Student Mental Health During the Pandemic
0:12:47 Conversation on Stress and Juries in Vocal Performance Majors
0:14:29 Conversation on the Value of Challenging Oneself and Dealing with Rejection
0:18:41 Conversation on Rejection and Success in Musical Theater and Vocal Performance
0:20:54 Conversation on the Impact of Achievements on Self-Worth
0:22:40 Conversation on Achievement Motivation and Mental Health
0:25:20 Conversation on Motivation and Owning Your Why
0:30:14 Conversation on Investing in Growth and the Benefits of Exploring New Skills
0:31:19 Segment Assignment: Setting Goals and Examining Your “Why”
HIGHLIGHTS
And he always talks about the power of your why. But a lot of people get told, they’re told their why, whether it’s by their parents or by society, and they end up pursuing majors they don’t want, relationships they don’t need.
And while that’s great and it’s really, it causes success in terms of achievements if that’s what you qualify as success, but you know that can’t be that can’t be where you put all your worth and it’s hard to find the balance.
But there is a scene and a song in the movie version of Dear Evan Hansen, and I don’t even know if I can get through it without crying now, but there is kind of the class president, the do-all-everything Alana Beck, and she sings the lyrics, spot the girl who stays in motion, spin so fast she won’t fall.
Yeah, and that’s a mental shift from a lot of careers where I think about students going into medicine and they’ve always been top of their class. And when they get out, they’ve never experienced failure.
But if I try things that are too hard and I set myself up for failure, and in your area of study, I can’t even fathom the amount of rejection that a musical theater or a vocal performance made.