127 | The Life, Lessons, and Legacy of Dick Tomey Part 14: The Untold Love Story of Coach Tomey & Nanci Kincaid

About the Guest

Nanci Kincaid is a celebrated novelist known for her emotionally resonant storytelling and authentic voice. She gained notable acclaim for her book Balls, published in 1998, which offers insights into the life of coaches’ wives. Nanci was married to the late legendary coach Dick Tomey, whose coaching career spanned several successful programs, including Hawaii, Arizona, and San Jose State. Nanci has been an influential voice among spouses of sports professionals, providing a unique perspective from the sidelines of major college football. Her insights into life with a prominent coach and her own career as an author make her a compelling storyteller and personality.

Episode Summary

In this episode of Becoming UnDone, host Toby Brooks engages with Nanci Kincaid, the widow of iconic football coach Dick Tomey, to explore the legacy and lessons left by her late husband. Known for transforming underdog teams into contenders, Coach Tomey’s leadership style was both demanding and compassionate, a hallmark of his illustrious career. His driving belief that “great coaches go into impossible places and make them possible” embodies his approach to coaching and life. Nanci shares memories and insights from their life together, painting an intimate portrait of a man who, despite the demands of a high-stakes profession, maintained deep personal connections and a commitment to character-building.

The episode delves into the challenges of the 2000s season, a pivotal point in Coach Tomey’s career, capturing the emotional weight of leading through difficult times. Nanci recounts how Tomey’s belief in forgiveness, optimism, and continual growth helped both him and his teams succeed against odds. From discussions on leadership principles to personal anecdotes about life beyond the field, this episode offers a profound exploration of the values that Dick Tomey instilled not just in his players, but everyone around him. The conversation encapsulates the essence of maintaining cultural integrity, choosing happiness as a decision, and the significance of leaving a legacy defined by love and loyalty.

Key Takeaways

• Legacy of Leadership: Coach Dick Tomey’s leadership style was marked by compassion, forgiveness, and a commitment to developing character in his players.
• Life Beyond Football: For Coach Tomey, football was not only about winning games but was a medium to teach important life lessons and foster personal growth.
• Resilience Through Challenges: The 2000 season was a testament to Tomey’s resilience and ability to remain focused on team and individual values amidst professional turmoil.
• The Power of Forgiveness: One of Tomey’s greatest strengths was his ability to forgive, enabling others to grow and learn from their mistakes without fear of retribution.
• Cultural Impact: Coach Tomey’s influence went beyond his formal coaching role, as he developed lasting relationships and left a timeless legacy in multiple communities.

Notable Quotes

1. “Great coaches go into impossible places and make them possible.” – Nanci Kincaid
2. “I’m a learner. And that was the most romantic feeling thing I had ever heard anybody say.” – Nanci Kincaid
3. “Happiness is not something that happens to you if you’re lucky. All happiness is, is a decision you make to be happy.” – Nanci Kincaid
4. “He was never a golden boy. Everything came hard.” – Nanci Kincaid
5. “We lost Coach Dick Tomey to cancer in 2019, but if anything, I’ve seen his fingerprints… in my own life more since then.” – Toby Brooks

Resources:

• Nanci Kincaid on Amazon Books
• Learn more about Coach Dick Tomey and his legacy through the Hawaii Bowl Foundation
• Highlights of Dick Tomey’s coaching career and continued legacy available through San Jose State’s Athletics Website 

Engage fully with this profound conversation as Nanci Kincaid brings the life of an extraordinary coach into focus, detailing how his life lessons transcended sports. Tune in to the full episode for more intimate stories and absorbing dialogues about the impact of leadership and love. Stay updated for future episodes that promise to illustrate the journeys of other remarkable leaders and influencers.